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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928509">Comparing Notes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ericito/pseuds/Ericito'>Ericito</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Beau and Caleb adoring Jester Lavorre to cope, Beau and Caleb dunking on each other to cope, Caleb's 20 INT is used only to point out that Jester probably isn't straight, Empire kid bonding, Generic D&amp;D Inn Setting, Humor, Multi, Possibly Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:48:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,395</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928509</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ericito/pseuds/Ericito</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After some painful truths at TravelerCon, Beau and Caleb get drunk and discuss sharing the same Jester-loving braincell. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>“Right. If we’re gonna do this… liking Jester thing… you made it too serious. We at least should talk about something fun. Like, you’re my friend. Friends talk about girls together.”</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>Beau points at herself, then at Caleb, then at a space in the middle distance where a girl might hypothetically be.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beauregard Lionett &amp; Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>295</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Comparing Notes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first (posted) fic and I can't believe it was written all in one day because my two favorite characters decided to have their respective shippers get in Twitter fights and I had to remind people what's really important: that Beau and Caleb are two human dumbasses with one brain cell and no darkvision.</p><p>For context (as implied in the fic), this takes place in the near future after TravelerCon and some vaguely specified fiasco where Beau punched Artagan and found out the hard way that trying to end your crush's longest friendship, question her religion, and protect her without asking if she needs protection is a poor life choice. They talked it out and are cool with the Traveler now, but things are far from perfect.</p><p>Comments welcome.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next time Caleb finds Beau, she’s down in the tavern drinking as recreationally as she has been in the week since the Incident, with the volcano and the weasel prank and the <i>weasel resurrection</i> and the weasel messiah and then Beau punching Artagan and Fjord using magic on Artagan and the yelling and the tears and the closest Jester has ever come to giving up on any of them. </p><p>It was a long Incident.</p><p>“Buy you a round?” Beau asks when she spots him.</p><p>“Sure,” Caleb says, and is promptly delivered a whiskey. “Who are we avoiding this morning?”</p><p>“Funny. You’re not the one who has to share a room with her. And her shrine to the guy who you may or may not have punched in the fucking eye.”</p><p>“Ja, well, you could go upstairs. Hang out with her,” Caleb says. He sounds more sympathetic than Beau can stand. “I don’t think she would mind. She misses you. It’s… it’s been quite the week.”</p><p>Beau nods and finishes her entire ale without bothering to order another. Her eyes are shining in a way he’s become very familiar with, ever since Kamordah. “She’s out shopping with Yasha right now,” she informs Caleb. “I think – I think that’s good. Yasha’s a good person. She notices when Jester is about to flee to the Feywild just to get the fuck away from me, apparently.”</p><p>“Yes, well. Yasha notices more than you’d think, I’m learning. About Jester especially.”</p><p>“Yasha’s been talking with <i>you</i> about Jester?” Beau asks. She sounds surprised, or maybe just curious.</p><p>“…Not in the way that you mean. Not about the Traveler, or – or weasels being resurrected in volcanoes, or anything that just happened. No.”</p><p>Beau frowns, trying to interpret the familiar glare he’s leveling at the drink she bought him. It takes her too long, all things considered.</p><p>“Oh. <i>Oh.</i> Right. That?” She stares at him, lets out a breath that wants to be a laugh but isn’t. “I guess I’m not really surprised. I kinda thought, maybe, but… shit. Fuck. What the shit <i>is</i> it about her, man?” Caleb shrugs. Verbalizing the atypical charms of Jester Lavorre would be long and aching and ultimately pointless. </p><p>There is a minute of silence while Beau swings her legs, sitting on the bar bench like a kid, and Caleb drums a little rhythm on his glass. He reconsiders the merits of life as a hermit far, far away from human conversation. It made Caduceus a <i>little</i> maladjusted, but really he seems to prefer it that way.  </p><p>“Me too. Same here,” Beau eventually adds, as the most unnecessary clarification ever. “How long have you…?”</p><p>“Most of the time I have known her,” Caleb says. “Not right away, and it happened slowly, but… she is <i>her</i>.”</p><p>“It’s serious, then?” Beau asks. Then she rolls her eyes. “What am I even asking? It’s you, of course it is. Your <i>farts</i> are serious.”</p><p>“I try,” Caleb says dryly. “I… you can guess how I feel about her. What the word is. Don’t pretend like I have to say it out loud.”</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,” Beau says, and then takes a breath like she's about to dunk her head underwater. “I love her too. I think? I don’t know if I’ve ever done that before – loved somebody. Recently, I’ve been trying to figure out how I would even tell.”</p><p>Caleb orders them both another round, and this time he pays. Beau lets him.</p><p>“I guess for a long time I felt like I could just call it… fun,” she concludes. “If I just called it a funny dumb thing I had, then it wouldn’t. You know. Hurt.”</p><p>“Ah. Well, some of us never had the option to call something ‘fun.’” She raises one eyebrow at him: not following. “Some of us were born Zemnian.”</p><p>Beau snorts into her drink, then snorts again. Before he knows it, she’s laughing hard enough that Caleb worries about the old gash in her ribs opening up. “Anyway. It doesn’t matter,” she adds finally. “I fucked it up for good, because – you know – <i>me</i>.”</p><p>There is a pause so gentle and understanding that Beau wants to scream.</p><p>“You have apologized to her, Beauregard,” Caleb says. “It was… hasty, given that you were in an erupting volcano, but she has not stopped speaking to you. And you will apologize properly. We have been through too much, all of us, for the gods to get between us.”</p><p>“Sure,” she says. “Sure. I’ve only fucked up every relationship I’ve ever had as a – as a matter of time, but <i>this one</i> definitely, this one will be fine. It’s not like I punched her best friend."</p><p>“What you and Fjord did…” Caleb considers it for a moment. “I do not understand why you felt you couldn’t talk to her about your fears. Why you felt her judgment was so untrustworthy, when she has done so much to deserve trust. But I <i>do</i> understand doubting the gods. To be honest, I am glad neither of us have to deal with their… requests.”</p><p>“It just fucking scared me,” Beau whispers hoarsely, and suddenly Caleb thinks in horror that she might cry. She doesn’t, of course, and he is grateful. “It scared me. He’s so powerful, and he has so much power <i>over</i> her, and he lied to her and she cares <i>so much</i> about what he thinks. She was a kid, Caleb.”</p><p>She gulps her ale noisily. Caleb thinks, for a minute, about putting the pieces together. About making some comment about powerful men, and little girls who cared too much about their opinion. He doesn’t.</p><p>“You are right. But, you know, she can hold her own. And I think… Jester is incredible, and surely she must have always been. That is why he chose her. But maybe she could never have become <i>this</i> incredible if she had not had a powerful friend at her side, showing her what he saw in her.” </p><p>Halfway through his sentence, he snaps his fingers and summons Frumpkin to his lap, petting him absentmindedly. “Jester has not had a lot of friendships in her life. You should have talked to her – you and Fjord – before trying to end one. We should all have talked to her more, instead of <i>about</i>. But… she will forgive you, I think. You and I, we wouldn’t be… feeling the way we do… if she wasn’t a better person than both of us.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Beau mutters. “Either way, there’s no chance that I could… you know… I fucked it up either way. She said that me and Fjord treated her like she’s a <i>child</i>. Don’t think she’d take it well if I said, like, ‘Sure, but a child I want to bone down with, if you’re interested!’”</p><p>She grimaces. Caleb does the same. Caduceus pads by on his way to the washroom and pats Beau on the back.</p><p>“Well,” Caleb says finally. “You picked good company to be a sadsack with. If Jester has any sense, she’ll be happily single for the rest of her life and avoid all us fuckups regardless.”</p><p>“Truer words. You know,” she laughs hollowly, petting Frumpkin with her non-drinking hand, “One thing I’m realizing is that Nott keeps better secrets than I thought.”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“She hasn’t said anything to me about you. And how you felt.”</p><p>Caleb frowns, slowly putting pieces together through his second whiskey. “I don’t know if Veth knows? I’ve certainly never told her. I love the woman, but who would ever go to <i>her</i> with gossip? Of all people.” He shakes his head and snorts at the thought.</p><p>“…Right. You raise an excellent point. Excellent, fair points all around. Good talk. I’m taking a piss now.” She frowns. “In the washroom, I mean. Not here. When I get up, though!” She gets to her feet with a grunt and leaves, muttering something strange and embarrassed that Caleb doesn’t catch.</p><p>By the time Beau returns two minutes later, plunking herself down onto the bench with a thud and weight that could only be deliberate, she seems to have come to a resolution.</p><p>“Right. If we’re gonna do this… liking Jester thing… you made it too serious. We at least should talk about something <i>fun</i>. Like, you’re my friend. Friends talk about girls together.”</p><p>Beau points at herself, then at Caleb, then at a space in the middle distance where a girl might hypothetically be.</p><p>“Friends talk about girls together,” she repeats. “Like, we should be talking about how great her tits are, you know?”</p><p>Caleb chokes on his drink, but Beau strongly suspects it’s done for effect. “I am <i>not</i> going to talk about her <i>tits</i> with you, Beaurega – ”</p><p>“More of an ass man, then?”</p><p>He shoots her a withering look. “…No, your first guess was better.”</p><p>“I used to think I liked smaller boobs better, but she’s really had me questioning that, you know? You know she wears a <i>tube top</i> around our room sometimes? Like, all the time, actually.”</p><p>Caleb rubs his forehead, despairing. He presses his hands to his cheeks as though that will cool them down and somehow change their color. “Yes, thank you, I know about the tube top, Beauregard. She’s worn it before, at the beach. And when she got tattooed."</p><p>“Then you know what I’m talking about.”</p><p>“No, I don’t – I didn’t get a good look because I put my eyeballs back in my <i>face</i>. Unlike some of us.”</p><p>“Sounds like a boring way to live, man.”</p><p>“You do realize that Jester yelled at <i>all</i> of us for talking about her behind her back, and if she knew we were discussing her body like a piece of meat, that would not endear – ”</p><p>“All right, all right, <i>fine</i>. If you’re gonna make it like that. She wouldn’t mind, though. She knows they’re great – she’s said so before. She changes in front of me all the time anyway.”</p><p>Caleb does look rather amazed at that. He turns and looks at Beau, as if she just confessed to living through a very trying war. “How do you <i>live?</i>”</p><p>“Like I said, man. It was easy to just be her friend for a long time, and then it wasn’t but I pretended like it was.” She smiles, and it's not for his benefit at all. “She kinda snuck up on me. I mean… she does that to people.”</p><p>“That she does.” He frowns. Pauses. “For me, in my situation, it has been easier to push it aside. Knowing how far away it is from being an option, or anything I deserve.”</p><p>“What do you mean ‘your situation’?”</p><p>Caleb blinks. Incredulous. “The fact that I… am wanted, and dangerous, and not altogether there in the head. The fact that I am a man without a family, and she loves family more than anything? That I..." He sighs preemptively. "I know you will say you disagree, Beauregard, but I am <i>miles</i> away from deserving her friendship. It has made it easier, knowing that you or Fjord or anybody would be better – would do a better job at making her happy, if she were to want anyone at all. The absurdity makes it easier to ignore. It is like… like being a child and wanting a unicorn for your birthday.”</p><p>“You should call Jester a unicorn to her face,” Beau grins. “She’d love that. But anyway… Caleb. You know you’re doing the shit she hates the most, right?”</p><p>“How do you mean?”</p><p>“Making decisions before she’s, like, seen the menu. Not trusting her. You’ve never even told her half the shit going on with you, but you’re convinced she couldn’t handle it.”</p><p>“That is not what I said – ”</p><p>“I mean. Caleb. Don’t get me wrong. Sleeping with you would be a shitass terrible decision. For literally anybody. But it’d be <i>her</i> decision to make, you feel me?”</p><p>“You are not listening – I am not disputing that she can – the question is that I do not <i>deserve</i> – ”</p><p>“Maybe you should just tell her, man,” Beau interrupts before he can raise his voice too much further. She frowns, correcting herself. “Not about liking her. Not that. I meant maybe you should tell her about your parents. It’d... help you. And it’d mean a lot to her if you trusted her.”</p><p>Caleb squeezes his eyes shut. His fingers twitch toward his opposite forearm, considering a clawing motion, then settle back down. Beau takes that as a no. She wishes she hadn’t brought his parents up, but she lets him sit for a couple minutes before she can think of anything else to say.</p><p>“I guess it’s just annoying as fuck to hear you talking about how <i>impossible</i> it is for you to be in a relationship when you’re a guy and you like a girl and she likes guys. Must be nice.”</p><p>Caleb looks up from his trance. He nods, slowly waking back up to her. “I’m… sorry about that.”</p><p>“Don’t be. It’s on me for being a total fucking cliché and, like, falling in love with a straight girl. Who’s literally my roommate.”</p><p>Caleb raises his eyebrows, curious. Beau really wishes he would look less skeptical. He’s like Nott. Both of them are stupid romantic psychopaths, whose advice no one should take unless they happen to enjoy things that are dumb.</p><p>“She told you she only likes men, then?”</p><p>“Well… no. Not really. But, I mean, c’mon. Her type is Fjord. It starts and ends at ‘weirdly unathletic half-orc’.”</p><p>“That… seems like a jump,” Caleb frowns. “I am not even certain she has felt so strongly about Fjord for a long time now. Anyway, if she hasn’t told you that her preferences are so strict…”</p><p>“‘If she hasn’t told you that her preferences are so strict,’” Beau mimics in the worst Zemnian accent Caleb has ever heard. “It doesn’t matter! That’s not – ”</p><p>“Maybe all of this changing clothes in front of you and talking about her breasts is a signal – ”</p><p>“Shut – ”</p><p>“A very <i>subtle</i> signal, so I don’t blame you for missing it – ”</p><p>“Shut! Shut – face!”</p><p>“I’ll tell the story at your wedding,” Caleb concludes, almost smiling now, and only stops when Beau punches him in the bicep.</p><p>“At my <i>wedding</i>. Gods. There you go again, making everything so deadly fucking serious.”</p><p>“Well, you know,” Caleb says thoughtfully. “Some of us were born Zemnian.”</p>
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